HomoSEXuality: The “Lesbian effect”

So I met a boy… It was one of those nightclub electric meets that are very rare in our circles. We had consumed little alcohol (I was on my first cider) but that spark, that electricity, it was too much to deny. So we are on the dance floor and I am in my most masculine attire, and we click. I go over and spark a conversation, we click more on the conversation front, I feel a sneer from my friends. I immediately know what it’s about: We were 2 feminine looking queers and somehow in the black gay circles that is still considered a big no. This is known as “lesbianism” within the black male queer circles.

Growing up in post-apartheid South Africa as a black queer body was not the easiest of childhoods. We had no role models, no one to look up to and guide us. No model for how homosexuality should be. We had little access to Western queerness and those who did made sure they filtered what they knew before passing it down on us. We had one such role model, he taught us everything wrong with homosexuality. Misogyny was instilled within us from a young age and I still know a lot of misogynistic queer bodies, the most feminine of queers, stemming from his teachings.

“Lesbianism” stemming from queer men is one of those. For a while I thought it was about stripping us (feminine queer men who have stripped themselves from heteronormative roles) of our queer male identity. Looking at it further and listening to other points of view I see it is deeper. It is something rooted in our patriarchy because queer bodies or not, that is a privilege most queer men still own and exert. I mean you can look at the way some queer men treat queer womxn. The way how queer men treat transsexual womxn. It’s a problem that should not be swept under the rug and should be tackled head on.

We need to unshackle ourselves from the chains that bind us. No one is saying how one should identify but asking to identify in a way that isn’t problematic or constricting to another body. The heteronormative way in which we choose to model our sexualities is always going to be a problem if you choose that it works for some things and not for others. We can agree that we all feel oppressed in one way or the other but just because you are queer does not give you a free pass to oppress other bodies. Internal homophobia is something I have battled with for a long time and it’s something I see in my peers. That bores some sort of structural privilege and a need to oppress. Calling me a lesbian even though you know how I identify and who I am is oppressive. That is not who I am and the fact that you feel the need to call me lesbian when insulting me also means that you know the hierarchical advantage you have over certain queers.  We are fighting the same demon most of the time and we should know how much more we could achieve if we come together.

Sexual identity has little to do with the bedroom and more to do with personality. What one does in their bedroom should stop being a way we identify our homosexuality. Queer men should take a page out of the queer womxn they discriminate over and belittle. Queer men should understand that, feminine or not, they do have privilege over all the other queer bodies. There is a reason why G is always the go to letter of the acronym.

So let us take a long look in the mirror, because until we acknowledge and accept that we can be problematic as queer men, and understand that we also can also oppress, then the fight just gets that much harder. Because divided we can never achieve what we can if all of us queers could unite as one.

Sivuyile Mtshemla

@Slayvuyile

14 Comments

  • ミュウミュウスーパーコピー September 25, 2018 at 7:26 am

    Hi there are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Reply
  • スーパーコピー September 25, 2018 at 7:26 am

    I visit every day some blogs and websites to read content, but this web site provides quality based posts.

    Reply
  • lesbisch porno January 20, 2019 at 6:04 am

    What i do not undersdtood is in reality how you’re no longer actually
    much more well-appreciated than you may be now. You’re so intelligent.
    You know therefore significantly with regards to this matter, produced me personally
    imagvine it from a lot off various angles. Its liie men and women don’t seem to be fascinated except it’s someghing to do
    with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding.
    All the time maintsin it up!

    Reply
  • minecraft March 24, 2019 at 9:02 pm

    Hello, all is going fine here and ofcourse every one is sharing data, that’s really excellent, keep up
    writing.

    Reply
  • minecraft March 26, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    Hi my friend! I wish to say that this post is amazing, great written and
    come with almost all vital infos. I would like to peer
    extra posts like this .

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 7, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It’s the
    little changes that produce the largest changes. Thanks
    for sharing!

    Reply
  • best ps4 games 2019 June 8, 2019 at 4:21 am

    Good post. I absolutely love this website. Stick with it!

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 8, 2019 at 9:10 am

    Hello to every one, since I am in fact keen of reading this website’s post to
    be updated regularly. It includes good stuff.

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 9, 2019 at 2:43 am

    Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your weblog
    and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts.
    In any case I will be subscribing for your rss feed and
    I am hoping you write again very soon!

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 9, 2019 at 9:53 am

    Hi to every one, since I am in fact eager of reading this blog’s post to be updated daily.
    It consists of nice information.

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 9, 2019 at 12:52 pm

    Having read this I believed it was extremely enlightening.
    I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this
    information together. I once again find myself personally spending a
    lot of time both reading and leaving comments.
    But so what, it was still worthwhile!

    Reply
  • tinyurl.com June 9, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    This piece of writing offers clear idea in favor of the
    new people of blogging, that truly how to do running a blog.

    Reply
  • http://tinyurl.com June 10, 2019 at 6:48 am

    Do you have a spam problem on this site; I also am
    a blogger, and I was wanting to know your situation; we have created
    some nice procedures and we are looking to trade methods with other
    folks, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

    Reply
  • quest bars June 16, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    If you desire to improve your knowledge only keep visiting this web
    site and be updated with the latest news update posted
    here.

    Reply

Leave a Comment